Courtesy of Special Guest Poster “Super Shawn”.
Zellers customers. That about sums it up. I mean, do I really have to say more? Perhaps I do. These may be some of the dumbest people I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. Now, to give you an example, I am going to tell you my favorite story about Zellers customers. I’ll assume that none of you know what the cash registers at Zellers looks like, so I’ll make a diagram.
The b and d show where the cashier stands and the “c” shows the direction they face. This is not an uncommon system to layout your cashiers. So one day I was working the back till (in the diagram the up-most one) and I was the only one on. EVERY single customer… EVERY FUCKING ONE went where the arrows show and stood there, looking at my back and asking if they went to the wrong side. Let me lay this out for you. I am facing the other direction, there is NO FUCKING COUNTER THERE, and they had to pass a register to get there and there is no way EVER that they would put two registers on the SAME SIDE because no one could ever line up for them! So after telling the 25th customer that “yes, you are on the wrong side” I decided something had to be done. I put a shopping cart in the way, completely blocking them off from going down the wrong side. Now, if we had intelligent customers, one would think that this would solve the problem. Well, you would be wronger than a flying cat who’s eating a dog and shitting pineapple pinecones. These…fuckers… guess what they did. THEY MOVED THE FUCKING CART!!! I almost lost it. I moved to another register. A front one. Just to end my suffering, though a bullet to the head would have worked better.The next problem I have with them has less to do with their intelligence and it is just something that annoys me. The first one is what I like to call the “Buy More, Save More Shuffle.” In Zellers, the way the computer system deals with buy 2 items for 5 dollars is that it rings up the two items at regular price and then puts a little Buy More/Save More tag after them. This system is confusing, I’ll give them that, but the whole way they go about dealing with the problem is ridiculous. They’ll look at the screen, notice that it doesn’t look like it came up right, so they look at me, look back at the screen and shuffle like a crab towards the screen for a closer look, then look back at me, then shuffle forward again, look at me then finally say something like “ummm, I thought those were 2 for 5?” Now they say it like a question because they aren’t sure because it says buy more/save more but it’s also coming up regular price. So I tell them, and they usually kind of mumble about it and obviously don’t trust me (the fucking cashier who knows the system much better than they ever will), so I have to promise to show them it on the receipt. There are repeat customers who I have to go through this with almost every shift, and they still don’t seem to get it. Now, speaking of shuffles, my least favorite one is the “incorrect Price Shuffle” because I can’t cut it short. With the BuyMore/SaveMore shuffle, I can reconize it and explain it to them, but with the “Incorrect Price Shuffle” I have no idea what price they say it’s suppost to be, so I can’t just change it for them. The shuffle, by the way, goes something like this. I scan in the item, they look at the screen and see it’s wrong, they look at me with a sly, little grin, they look at the screen and shuffle forward twice just to make sure they read it right, then they look back at me and say ” *blank* is on special.” It’s never on sale, it’s always “on special” because Zellers customers are special. Also, they almost never just tell me that it’s suppost to be a certain price, they make me ask them what price it’s suppost to be… because it makes them feel better to think they know more than me. So they tell me, and then I have to find out if it’s true and they are always either offended or pissed that I have to check. If it’s within what I’m pre-authorized to change I’ll do it without looking, but if it’s more… I have to check otherwise I could get fired. Another little thing that bugs me is when someone buys a chocolate bar or drink along with some other purchases and I ask them “would you like the drink in the bag or with you?” and they say “yes” or “no”. Listen to what I’m asking you and then give me the appropriate response. I am not asking a yes or no question, I am giving you a choice. Do you want to fucking drink it now or at home? Yes or no does not answer my question and just forces me to ask again, and they look at me like I’m stupid when I ask again. With sort of a “you didn’t hear me the first time?” sort of look. Fuck.